Loneliness

Today I had a long conversation with someone about the subject of loneliness. Loneliness can be an absolutely terrible thing to have to live with, and it can very easily lead on to depression, and further withdrawing into one’s self. There have been two occasions in my life when loneliness has been a real problem. The first time was when I was 21, and had just arrived in New Zealand. I had always wanted to visit NZ, and it was a dream come true to be able to go there for twelve months to work for an organisation called Mission to Seafarers, but what I hadn’t planned for was the struggle of adjusting to being so far from family and friends. I’d already spent three years at college, and so was used to being away from home, but I remember so clearly when arriving in Auckland, suddenly realising that all my friends and family were thousands of miles away, and that I wouldn’t be seeing them for a whole year. My first few weeks in NZ were spent living in the seafarers home which happened to be above the centre where I was to work. It was clear as soon as I arrived there that most of the residents of this home had led hard lives, and many of them seemed to spend their days drinking and smoking. The rooms were poorly sound insulated, so you could hear everything that was going on, and I had the misfortune of being next door to a man who kept his TV on all night at full volume, so I managed to get very little sleep. The view from my room looked straight onto the dark and for-boding car-park, which also happened to be the heart of the red light district. That first night in Auckland, I wondered what on earth I had done going there. Fortunately I didn’t have to spend too long in the seafarers home (which I was immensely relieved about), I eventually managed to find accommodation in a part of the city called Mount Albert, and ended up sharing this house with a group of other Christians. But despite the relief of getting out of the seafarers home, the loneliness only seemed to get worse. I remember phoning home, after being in Auckland for about three weeks, and choking back the tears because I was so homesick. If someone had come along and offered to pay for my air fare home I think I would have taken it.
The turning point for me, came after two months in NZ, I started attending the local Anglican church (St Luke’s) near to where I was living. From day one I was made to feel so much at home in that congregation, and quickly got involved in the life of the church, making some good friends (some of whom I’m still in touch with eight years on). I also got involved with walking club and canoe club, and along with my involvement with church started to really enjoy my time in NZ. In fact, when it was time for me to return home I didn’t want to leave!
The second time I have had to deal with loneliness was when I moved from college in Oxford to Bowness on Windermere. My two years at Wycliffe Hall, where I trained for the ministry, were a very happy time. I lived in a large house in north Oxford with twelve other people, and it felt as though we were one large extended family, constantly popping in and out of one another’s rooms. I made many really good friends in Oxford, two of whom I considered as close as brothers, so when it came to leaving Oxford I went through a process of bereavement. I had been so used to having people around, and all of a sudden I found myself in this large house all on my own. It took almost a whole year for me to work through this loneliness, which at times was crippling. Most weekends I would escape to my parents who at that time lived in West Cumbria, because I craved company, and I would regularly phone or visit friends. The major turning point for me came in January 2002 when I visited Beata in Poland, and as I got to make friends in the local area.

I am not a person that copes well with being on their own for prolonged periods of time, and these two periods of loneliness were for me amongst the hardest periods of my life, even though good things were happening at the time. But looking back on these times I am grateful that I experienced them, because it has given me an insight into what it can be like to feel lonely, and sadly there are many people in this world for whom loneliness is something they have to deal with day in, day out. My loneliness led onto depression, fortunately short lived, but that sense of despair that came with that depression is not something I would like to repeat. Looking back on these periods in my life, I can see how important for me the church was, and having the support of Christian friends. I do not know what I would have done, had I not had the church.